Used to You
by thegoodgirldoll
Summary: He wasn't used to it, and neither was she. But that was what this partnership was for, wasn't it?...To become used to it; to become accepting of the love that they both felt they didn't deserve.


The water glistened as he peered down at it, watching the ebb and flow that the wind created. It was chilly outside; dark. The air was crisp and clean but it bit at his lungs in a way he hadn't thought possible. His breathing felt debilitated; _off, _and he couldn't help the uncomfortable movement it forced onto him. When he moved, Natalie stared up at him quickly, searching his eyes.

"Calm down." He mumbled against her hair, closing his eyes.

"You are always telling me to calm down." She responded, sinking back into him and slowly sighing.

"Because you are always freaking out." He laughed slightly, moving once more- a bit less noticeably- before placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"Can you blame me?"

Keith chose not to respond. Of course, his first thoughts were a_lways _snide, and for a split second he wondered why the hell _she _was freaking out when _he w_as the one that was _dying. _He immediately pushed those feelings away, squeezing her shoulder before breathing in slowly, calming his nerves.

"You don't need to constantly be on edge. I'm fine."

"You also shouldn't be in the cold tonight. I told you I didn't want to come out."

"We come sit up here every single Saturday night, Natalie," he sighed, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the fact that his breathing was, indeed, becoming more difficult because of the chill. "I wasn't going to change the plans just because of my…_problem." _

"Even still," she urged, turning in his embrace to face him. "Cancer normally doesn't kill the person, you know, it's-"

"-the flu, a common cold, pneumonia, I know."

Anger rolled off him in small and sudden waves of emotion and these past few months had proven difficult for Natalie to keep up with. She bit her tongue as she turned her head to face the open water and land below the cliff. It was soothing; it kept her emotions at bay when all she wanted to do was cry and turn to hold him. He wouldn't take that too well, she knew; she would let out her tears at home, alone, like she had learned to with Rafael, and now him.

"And that's my cue."

Keith laughed sarcastically and moved from underneath her, giving her time to prop herself up before standing completely.

"And that's mine." He shot back, ignoring whatever comment she was going to make next and stalking back to the yellow truck that was behind them.

"I don't know what you think you're doing." She yelled back to him without turning to take in his expression.

With a scowl, though, he glared at the back of her head and furrowed his eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?"

"You'd never leave me here so I am not quite sure what act of defiance walking to your truck just to walk back to me really is."

It only took Keith a moment to absorb the snide air that gripped at her statement and smile.

"It's either leave with you or leave you here…Dead. I could kill you, Anderson. You know too much."

"You willingly offered every bit of information that you have ever decided to tell me, so we both know that doesn't add up."

"That's bull shit." He grinned.

She rolled her eyes and looked back at him then, beckoning him to join her once more.

With a gentle sigh, he walked over to her and slid down next to her hesitantly, pulling her into his arms.

"I've never offered you any information, partner." He whispered against her hair.

She giggled in reply.

"I was just making sure you knew that…I don't need you going delusional on me now."

"It would probably be the worst time, wouldn't it?" She agreed.

"Probably." He responded, his voice strangled and his eyes stinging.

He squeezed her arms as tightly as possible without causing her pain and pulled her closer to him.

"For someone who never offered me any information, you sure are clingy now."

"I try not to be." He mumbled; his words were a gentle apology that she declined.

"Don't be sorry," she replied, their words being rhythmic as always; they always knew exactly what to say to one another. "You're afraid of needing me; just like I was afraid of needing you."

"I guess." He shrugged.

For awhile then, they sat there, the tress rustling around them as the leaves fell into the wind's pursuit. The water was shinning a deeper, brighter blue now since the moon was fully shining down on it, and the dew of leftover rain was wet on the grass in front of them as Natalie picked at the blades. It had fallen dark quickly, like every time they came to spend their evening on the cliff. It had become Natalie's favorite pastime, she was sure, and if she had to guess, it was Keith's as well. He seemed to enjoy it, and despite his pain, he did manage to bring her every single Saturday, just like he said. Even on the days that his mood was completely altered, he'd wear a smile for her. These rare moments of dispute were no exception; they always ended happily…They always ended with comfort.

He wasn't used to it, he had finally confided in her one night as they sat there, absorbing the moonlight; the only information he had ever willingly divulged to her. He had looked her in the eyes, taken her hand for the first time, and assured her that it wasn't Natalie herself that made him so snide and fearful; it was life in general. He was used to having the calloused heart of pain and regret. He was used to death and heartache and fear. It was difficult to realize that in some forms of love, there was no fear; no hate. He had kissed her softly and pulled away quickly before whispering to her that it was love he wasn't used to; he wasn't used to be loved.

With a quiet sigh and a brief movement of her hand, Natalie entangled their fingers and kissed him softly on the chest before facing the view before them once more. They would be heading home soon; he wasn't fond of driving in the darkness much anymore, but she was fine with that; fine with convincing him to let her stay overnight and cuddle into him while they slept.

He wasn't used to it, and neither was she.

But they were slowly getting there, and Natalie was sure that was the whole point of their partnership.


End file.
